May Coffee Chat

 Whitney over at Polka Dotty Place does a cute feature every month that she calls Coffee Chat. I thought I'd copy her because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all!

1. Watching all the leaves unfurl on the trees over the past week has been so wonderful. I just love observing the passing of the seasons. Seeing our beautiful neighborhood come back to life and green-up has been especially beautiful this year. There are all these pretty pink and purple flowering trees on our street. Do you love seeing all the green appear too?

2. Our lawn is a mess. Between a patch on the north side of the house that just refuses to grow (no sunlight) and the "meadow" on the south side of the house - I can't keep up. The dog has worn some paths down around the backyard too, which makes it look, well, weird. The front yard has a lot of sand mixed in the soil, so the grass is patchy. Mr. Amen talks about ripping it up and getting fresh sod, but that is really expensive and a lot of work to water and maintain. Anyone else dealt with sandy soil and gotten a lawn to look half-decent?

3. Speaking of the yard - I need to put down a fresh weed barrier this year and replace all the mulch. I do not love mulch, but if it keeps me from having to spend so much time weeding, I'll do it. I don't want to do stones/rocks. I do love the look of just dark soil, but I just end up with weeds. So many weeds. I have a lot of perennials planted and I don't really do annuals except in a pot or two on the porch. Are you an annual or perennial kind of house?

Centerpiece flowers I "won" at the
Mom's Club luncheon at my son's school

4. Summer schedule. Ya'll, I'm crying. We have such a busy summer already. Drivers Ed, soccer, gymnastics, space camp, summer homework, VBS. My 15yo wants to get a job and wants to do a bunch of volunteer work too. And I wanted to go back to work. I don't know how I would shoehorn a regular job into the mix. And I really feel like I worked hard not to commit to anything this summer. I didn't even entertain the idea of camps or other activities and our calendar is still madness.

5. Summer salads anyone? Do you have a summer salad you love? I'm looking for some summer salad inspiration! I've got a list going of several I want to make for the summer but am always up for a delicious summer salad recipe!

6. I saw a reel on one of the socials that was talking about decluttering and instead of asking "Do I need this?" the person asked, "Can I live without this?" I thought that was a clever way of reframing it in my mind. I think I could let go of a lot more thinking about it in this way. It seems like I can always find a use for everything, or I might need it one day.

7. I spend a lot of time driving. Like 3-6 hours a day. I'd love to listen to books or podcasts while I'm driving, but I need something family friendly. Any suggestions? I find that my books aren't really things my kids want to listen to in the car and we haven't really tried podcasts. I did try one with my son on a soccer road trip, and the first episode we listened to was funny & good, but the next one was so inappropriate, we turned it off. I had found it on a list of best podcasts for teens, but it was so sex-obsessed, no thank you.) Podcast suggestions please? Also, how do you listen to books in the car? Do you have a specific app? Do you use your library's app for that or something else?

8. Our dog, HRH Skye Pickle, Duchess of Cliffside is so cute. I'm obsessed with her. That is all.

Bump in the Road (part 7)

March 12, 2020, my mom took me to the salon before it opened to have my head shaved. I was told it would take about 10-14 days for my hair to start falling out and I was at the 9-day mark. Instead of having big clumps of hair falling out, I opted to shave my hair. My stylist let me come in before they opened for the day to give me some privacy and to help protect my immune system from germs. It was 2020 after all and we had no idea that our world was about to be turned upside down again. (Would that make it right side up again?)

So, like many women, I have struggled with my body image. I had gained weight slowly over time and was sitting at the heaviest I had ever been. So even though I wasn't thinking I was a hot mama there were 3 things I liked about myself physically: (1) my boobs - they were pretty good, (2) my hair - it was thick and wavy, it was medium length though within the previous 2 years, I had had it as long as my waist and as short as my chin, and (3) my freckles - I've always liked my freckles, thought they were just kind of cute.

I had already lost my breasts. They had been replaced with adolescent-sized nipple-less bumps with enormous scars that looked like upside-down "T"s.

Now, I was about to lose my hair. I told myself over and over that it was just hair. It would grow back. It's just hair.

Before

Bye-bye beautiful hair

After - rocking the shaved head

And that was that. It was done. I think I rocked the shaved-head look. I feel like it gave me a little bit of a tough-edgy vibe.

Later that day, my kids were sent home from school and the Governor shut down our state for 2 weeks to flatten the curve. 

March 17 was my next chemotherapy appointment. Hospitals were essentially on lockdown. I could go for my infusion, but I had to go alone. No support persons were allowed unless I was no longer ambulatory. I could walk on my own, so I went in alone. I packed my bag with my blanket, a book, my iPad, my phone, my breath mints, and my husband dropped me off at the entrance to the Cancer Center. 

I would do three infusions on my own to complete the 4 doses of the A/C drug combination. I continued to need lots of rest, I felt terrible, didn't experience a ton of nausea, though there was some. I would sleep the rest of the day on the Tuesdays of the infusion (so emotionally and mentally draining), feel OK until late Friday, then I would spend the weekend being pretty miserable. Perk back up by Tuesday of the non-infusion weeks and be OK until the next infusion.

My stubble from shaving down my hair fell out in a painful process over a couple of days. What a mess! I think it would've been better to just leave it long and let it fall out like that - at least it would've been easier to clean up instead of all the tiny hairs everywhere. My scalp hurt badly during that time. It was a feeling of having my hair brushed in the wrong direction. So odd and painful. The shaved head stubble look is much different from bald from having your hair fall out. 

After my 4th round of A/C I was pretty sick and ended up throwing my back out. I could barely breathe. I had a couple of ribs out of place making it difficult to expand my chest with each breath. I had pain radiating down my left leg and I couldn't turn my head because I had pinched something in my neck. What a mess I was!

I was able to get in to the chiropractor (even though the world was shut down - it was April 21) and get adjusted. I felt so much better so quickly, but my left leg still hurt. It felt like it was always all cramped up in my calf. I had mentioned it to my oncologist during a video appointment, but he said it was just from my decreased physical activity and I should try to walk more and stretch. I had been doing that for a couple of weeks at this point, but on April 23rd my leg was swollen and not quite the right color. I called my family doctor. He got on a video call with me, took one look at my leg, and sent me to the ER. He called ahead to tell them I was coming and that I was a cancer patient so I wouldn't have to wait. He suspected I had a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) in my leg. 

My husband and kids dropped me off at the ER - in April 2020, at the height of COVID terror. I went in alone, was taken back quickly, and put in the farthest room away from everyone in a super quiet area of the ER. I had an ultrasound done on my leg and they confirmed that I had, not 1, not 2, but 8 (EIGHT!!) DVTs in my left leg. 

DVTs can kill you. I was very lucky. Again.

I was put on blood thinners, told to keep my leg elevated and sent home.

And in truly no-rest-for-the-weary fashion, I had chemo coming up on Tuesday.

Bump in the Road (part 6)

My Medical Oncologist, Dr. H, wanted to send me for a couple of tests to confirm a Stage 3a diagnosis and ensure Stage 4 wasn't the reality. I was terrified. No one had mentioned the possibility of Stage 4 cancer. At this time, Stage 4 cancer can't be cured, it can only be managed. Dr. H sent me for a Bone Scan and a CT scan. So 2 days after first meeting Dr. H, and 2 weeks and 2 days after a bilateral mastectomy, we drove an hour away for a Bone Scan at the nearest location that could do it so quickly. A Bone Scan involves injecting a tracing dye, waiting a bit, then returning to be scanned. The wait allows the dye to find any cancer hiding out in your bones and light it up to be picked up on the scan. 3 days later I went for the CT scan of my chest, abdomen & pelvis. That involved drinking a terrible liquid quickly, waiting, then going back for a scan. 

Once results were in that all was clear, 4 days later I went for an Echocardiogram to make sure my heart was strong enough to handle chemotherapy. It was. So surgery to place a port in my chest was scheduled for a couple days later., February 27. The port was placed in my right chest wall and a small incision was also made in my right neck. Whoo boy did that one hurt when I woke up!

Port surgery

March 2, I went for a chemo teach session with the nurse at my oncologist's office. She went through what to expect, how to prepare for each chemo session (lidocaine lotion over the port to reduce pain with access), what medications both prescription and over-the-counter I would need to take & when. It was so much information. I ended up making a medication log to ensure I didn't forget anything important. I also went to the pharmacy to pick up all the prescriptions and buy all the supplements and OTC meds I needed.

March 3, 2020 was my first chemotherapy infusion. 

My husband took me. His plan was to take me to this first infusion, then let a rotation of my friends, mom, and sister take me to these marathon sessions. I'm told it is helpful for the patient to have a supportive person with you for encouragement, distraction, and overall emotional support. I mean, as the patient, I know what is at stake and it was comforting to have people who love me surrounding me as my brain swims with dark thoughts.

At the infusion, it didn't kick off with the chemo drugs immediately. I had to have several pre-meds. Some steroids and some anti-nausea medications. Everything was going smoothly and I was getting my last pre-med. The nurse set up the bag of anti-nausea medicine, a very common drug called Emend, and stepped away to order the chemo to be mixed for me. My husband, at the same time asked if I was OK, and he stepped away to use the restroom. I watched my husband disappear around the corner, the nurse pulled the curtain closed and stepped away.

Let's go!!

Immediately, I didn't feel right. I felt hot and tingly, I couldn't breathe no breath was going in or out. I couldn't talk or yell. I couldn't see as the room started going dark. There I was behind a curtain where no one could see me and no one would be back for a few minutes.

I realized I was about to lose consciousness and the thought rushed into my head to throw myself out of the reclining chair I was in so they might hear me fall. I started pitching forward in my chair as things went dark and suddenly the call button was in my hand. I hadn't been given the call button, I don't recall seeing it at all before that moment. But I managed to press it as I lost consciousness.

When my husband came back from the restroom a minute later, I was surrounded by nurses and aides, they were administering medicines into my IV/port; they had a breathing bag over my face breathing for me; they had a cool, wet cloth over my forehead and there was a lot of commotion & shouting.

I was allergic to the Emend (a common anti-nausea drug) and had experienced anaphylaxis.

They were able to rescue me. They called my doctor who said that, obviously, I wouldn't be getting that anti-nausea drug and I could choose if I wanted to continue with the chemo today or reschedule for another day after all that trauma.

I chose to move ahead. I had already done all the other pre-meds. I was already there. I didn't want to delay. Bring on the red-devil.

Let's still go, but please don't kill me

The rest of the infusion was uneventful. I finished it up and headed home. I didn't feel terrible immediately, but knew it could take a few days before it started affecting me. I was mostly just exhausted from everything that day. By the weekend, I was really tied and felt pretty "punk", not nauseated, but not good. I slept as much as I could.

After getting home from the first infusion, I found out that my husband had called my mom when everything happened at the infusion and she called my group of girlfriends and asked them all to start praying. My dad had been in the cancer center when I was getting my infusion. He was at an appointment with his oncologist (he had leukemia) and as he was there with his doctor, he jumped up and said he had to go - something was wrong with his daughter who was 2 floors below getting her chemotherapy and he needed to get down there to pray for me. No one had called him yet. He didn't have any way to know something was wrong except the Holy Spirit spoke to him. He ran down and stood outside the infusion center praying and a nurse asked him if he needed help. He told her I was in there getting my infusion and something was wrong so he was praying. A few minutes later my mom called him to tell him what was going on and he told her he was already standing outside the doors praying. He already knew. Praise God - He is always watching out for me!

Bump in the Road (Part 5)

 As my surgery date approached, I tried to continue life as "normal-for-us" as possible for everyone. I drove kids to/from school and activities, I cooked, and I cleaned. As I went about my daily tasks, I thought through what might need to be modified in the days/weeks after surgery. I was weirdly obsessed with making sure the strings on the bare lightbulb fixtures in the basement were long enough so I wouldn't have to lift my arms to reach them. 

The week of surgery, I had a pre-op with my surgeon on Monday followed by bloodwork. No big deal. The day before surgery, Wednesday, I had a pre-op with my plastic surgeon. No big deal, I thought. But that plastic surgeon kept on surprising me with how important of a role he actually played in this whole drama. I had my husband snap a picture of me before the plastic surgeon came in - I had remembered to set up everything, but this was the end of the line for the boobs I had had my whole life. I had forgotten to remember them. The surgeon came in and drew all over me - marking my entire chest up from armpit to armpit, lines going every which direction. He gave me the marker and told me to redraw any lines that faded between then and surgery the next morning.

I went home and tried to get some sleep, which was just not possible.

The morning of surgery, Thursday, January 30, 2020, I woke up early, my mom and dad arrived early to stay with the kids and get them off to school; they would later meet my husband at the hospital to sit with him in the waiting room. My husband and I left and headed up to the hospital around the corner from our house. We checked in, they took me back and started prepping me for surgery.

I had to take a pregnancy test (LOL! Not a chance I was pregnant), strip down, and get my IV started. The anesthesiologist visited and went over the plan, surgeon visited and went over the plan, the plastic surgeon did not visit before surgery. I had to have a procedure done before being taken back wherein they inject dye into each of my breasts and I needed to massage both well afterwards. This was to track which of the lymph nodes each of breasts drained to so they could take the first few from each side along with the breast tissue to biopsy them for cancer cells. This is pretty standard and created a moment of levity in the room beforehand as my husband offered to help me with the massage. Always a helper!

Next thing I knew, I was off to surgery. The nurses commented that I was so calm. In their experience, women were hysterically crying and terrified when they were going for mastectomies. I felt emotional; it was scary, no doubt, but this was what would get the cancer out of my body - so LET'S GO!

When I awoke in the recovery room, my husband was with me. I asked him if I was ugly now and he assured me that I wasn't. I had no pain at all and surprisingly little nausea. I drifted in and out of consciousness the rest of the day. I remember hearing people in my room visiting: my mom, my dad, my brother (in his Police uniform), my husband. When I woke up the next morning, my surgeon came in and refilled my pain pump with numbing medicine so I would remain pain-free for days! He was so kind, he even found my cell phone and brought it over to me. When he left, I took a few selfies. Too embarrassing! I went home later that day and was there when my kids all got home from school/activities. I was so happy to see my kiddos. I had missed them so much and I wanted so badly to hug them as tight as I could.

Hospital Selfie

About a week later, Dr. R called me with the surgical biopsy results. The tumor in my left breast was much larger than expected: 7.5cm x 3cm. There was no cancer found in my right breast - PRAISE GOD! There was no cancer found in the lymph nodes on my right side, but there was cancer found in 4 of the 5 lymph nodes removed on my left side. This would change my treatment plan drastically. I would now require chemotherapy instead of just radiation. She already had set up an appointment for me with an oncologist.

My reasons to fight!

I now went weekly to the plastic surgeon to have my chest expanders expanded. Expanders had been placed under the skin of my chest to create new breast mounds. I did not have skin-sparing mastectomies, so each week the plastic surgeon would inject saline into the "implants" in my chest. The first couple of times I went, I was terrified - the needle was HUGE - so I took some powerful pain meds the plastic surgeon had given me. My mom would just laugh at how silly it made me. I didn't have any pain though! 

Two weeks after surgery, I met with my medical oncologist. He is the sweetest man. Gentle, patient, kind, reassuring, smart - all the things you would want in a doctor tasked with delivering such difficult news to patients. He wanted to come up with a treatment plan, and said I'd need to do a few tests to verify that the cancer had not spread beyond the lymph nodes and that it was truly a Stage 3 cancer and not a Stage 4. Stage 4 treatment is very different from Stage 3 treatment. And it carries a very different prognosis.

Cue the tears.

2024 Menu Plan for March (week 3)

On the menu this week:

Sunday: Spaghetti with homemade meat sauce, breadsticks & salad

Monday:  Crockpot Beef and Broccoli with rice from Life in the Lofthouse

Tuesday:  Creamy Garlic Chicken from Budget Bytes with Crockpot Mashed Potatoes from Dinner at the Zoo and salad

Wednesday:  Wonton Soup from I am Homesteader & Spring Rolls. To save time, I'll use frozen pork wontons & spring rolls from the grocery store, and I'll also add a little powdered ginger to the broth (not a lot, maybe 1/4-1/2 tsp, it just gives it a little extra flavor).

Thursday:  Leftovers!

Friday:  Crunchy Roasted Chickpea Pitas from How Sweet Eats. I plan to serve it with store-bought pitas, hummus, and Lebanese garlic sauce. We live in metro Detroit, so our grocery store has a variety of stellar Middle Eastern foods available in the deli making it easy to throw together a dish like this. If I had more time on my hands this week, I would make my own pitas. Natasha's Kitchen's pita recipe has worked very well for me.

Saturday: No-Peek Monterey Chicken & Rice from Plain Chicken. 

XO

-Mrs. Amen

Update: This week, like so any others, completely fell apart. Started out well enough. Spaghetti was delicious. Crockpot beef was OK, but I used shaved beef and I think it was too thin to stand up to the crockpot and it basically disintegrated. Oh well, it was still tasty. Creamy garlic chicken didn't happen; the day got away from me and I had to pivot to something else, though I don't remember what. Wonton soup was great, as always, even if I was a little heavy-handed with the sesame oil. The crunchy chick pea dinner was exchanged for cheese pizza at my husband's favorite local place. And on Saturday...I honestly have no recollection whatsoever.

2024 Menu Plan for March (week 2)

Because every time I open my kitchen cabinets post-it notes with weekly menus rain down upon my head, I thought it would be a better idea to type up my weekly menu plans and post them here. I'll include links to the recipes I use and general links to the main page of the blogs I get them from.

I keep raw vegetables (crudité) on hand for everyone to eat at dinner (typically carrots, cucumbers, celery, broccoli & cauliflower are the favorites). Sometimes I have a fruit tray for "dessert" where cantaloupe, honeydew, watermelon, strawberries, kiwi, grapes, & pineapple regularly make appearances.

These are my plans. Of course, in family life, we know that plans can go awry quickly, so I'll post updates on how the plan panned out.

Here's the plan for the 2nd week of March 2024:

Sunday: Crock Pot Chicken Pot Pie (from Eating on a Dime)

Monday: Hot dogs & Sausages with Fried Cabbage (from Budget Bytes)

Tuesday:  BBQ Ranch Chicken Sandwiches (from Mix and Match Mama) with green beans

Wednesday:  Slightly Sweet Sloppy Joes (from Mix and Match Mama) with steak fries & crudité

Thursday:  Leftovers!! Clean out the refrigerator day :-)

Friday: Slow Cooker Tomato Basil Soup (from 365 Days of Slow + Pressure Cooking) with breadsticks & salad

Saturday:  Longhorn Parmesan Crusted Chicken with Creamy Noodles (both from Plain Chicken) and salad

XO

-Mrs. Amen

Update: This menu worked out quite nicely for our family this week. There was only one change: Friday night, my husband ordered cheese pizza, salad, and breadsticks from a favorite, local restaurant. I wasn't feeling great (caught the cold one of my kids had) and though I planned on making the soup, he wasn't feelin' it, so pizza to the rescue.

15 Meatless Meal ideas for Lent and Beyond!

This time of year many people are on the hunt for meatless meals that are a step up from fish sticks, tuna casserole, and cheese pizza. I have a few ideas that we’ve used over the years for meatless meals that you might enjoy as well.

I don’t prepare fish at home, so all my ideas are vegetarian or can be made vegetarian through easy substitutions (veggie broth for chicken broth) or omitting a garnish (bacon).

Zucchini Parmesan Sliders from Shutterbean. So delicious and the texture of the breaded zucchini is amazing.

Million Dollar Mac and Cheese from Carlsbad Cravings. If you love cheese, this recipe is THE ONE! Use veggie bouillon instead of chicken. I’ve made this an embarrassing amount of times and it’s always a hit. It makes a very large casserole and there will be plenty. It’s truly a great dish for sharing…make it in 2-8”x8” pans instead of one large 9”x13” pan and give some to a neighbor.

These Soy Sauce Noodles from Love and Olive Oil will bring you to tears. So flippin’ good. With some vegetable egg rolls on the side. Mmmmm.

The Cozy Cook outdid herself with this Spinach Pie. The earthly spinach, gooey cheese, buttery pastry. I’m drooling just thinking about it.

My kids ask for Spanakopita from Dinner at the Zoo all the time. I’ve had one kid ask for it as a birthday meal; it’s that good. 

Mujadara from Cookie + Kate. If you’ve never tried this Middle Eastern dish, you may want to give it a shot. It’s the crispy caramelized onions for me. 

Half Baked Harvest has some veggie burgers that are out of this world. Two family favorites are this Crispy Quinoa Burger and this Roasted Zucchini Burger with Whipped Garlic Feta. If you’re craving burgers on a meatless day…these will not disappoint.

Grilled Goat Cheese Stuffed Zucchini Boats from How Sweet Eats. Tangy goat cheese, zucchini that still has some bite to it and the crispy breadcrumbs on top. That’s a boat I’ll happily sail away on.

How Sweet Eats comes in with her chickpea pitas and sent me on a flavor journey. These Crunchy Roasted Chickpea Pitas are really something else. Endlessly adaptable. And if you search around her site you’ll find some others like BBQ Chickpea Pitas that will blow your mind.

Looking for soup? Gal on a Mission has this delicious and comforting One-Pot Creamy Tomato Tortellini Soup. Use veggie broth instead of chicken broth…it’s so good.

How about Budget Bytes Easy Rosemary Garlic White Bean Soup? Budget friendly and filling. You will not feel deprived after eating this hearty soup.

Next up - Cheesy Corn Chowder. Use veggie broth and skip the bacon (though absolutely do have it on another day with the bacon!). How Sweet Eats hooked me on food blogs with this recipe many years ago and her site has been a go-to for me ever since.

Lastly, Averie Cooks really nailed it with this Best Broccoli Cheddar Soup. We love it served up in fresh Bread Bowls (Love Bakes Good Cakes has this banger of a recipe). No worries if you don’t have time for the bread bowls, though, I have to say, these are spectacular bread bowls; I’d eat this soup out of an old boot if I had to.

XO

-Mrs. Amen