Bump in the Road (part 7)

March 12, 2020, my mom took me to the salon before it opened to have my head shaved. I was told it would take about 10-14 days for my hair to start falling out and I was at the 9-day mark. Instead of having big clumps of hair falling out, I opted to shave my hair. My stylist let me come in before they opened for the day to give me some privacy and to help protect my immune system from germs. It was 2020 after all and we had no idea that our world was about to be turned upside down again. (Would that make it right side up again?)

So, like many women, I have struggled with my body image. I had gained weight slowly over time and was sitting at the heaviest I had ever been. So even though I wasn't thinking I was a hot mama there were 3 things I liked about myself physically: (1) my boobs - they were pretty good, (2) my hair - it was thick and wavy, it was medium length though within the previous 2 years, I had had it as long as my waist and as short as my chin, and (3) my freckles - I've always liked my freckles, thought they were just kind of cute.

I had already lost my breasts. They had been replaced with adolescent-sized nipple-less bumps with enormous scars that looked like upside-down "T"s.

Now, I was about to lose my hair. I told myself over and over that it was just hair. It would grow back. It's just hair.

Before

Bye-bye beautiful hair

After - rocking the shaved head

And that was that. It was done. I think I rocked the shaved-head look. I feel like it gave me a little bit of a tough-edgy vibe.

Later that day, my kids were sent home from school and the Governor shut down our state for 2 weeks to flatten the curve. 

March 17 was my next chemotherapy appointment. Hospitals were essentially on lockdown. I could go for my infusion, but I had to go alone. No support persons were allowed unless I was no longer ambulatory. I could walk on my own, so I went in alone. I packed my bag with my blanket, a book, my iPad, my phone, my breath mints, and my husband dropped me off at the entrance to the Cancer Center. 

I would do three infusions on my own to complete the 4 doses of the A/C drug combination. I continued to need lots of rest, I felt terrible, didn't experience a ton of nausea, though there was some. I would sleep the rest of the day on the Tuesdays of the infusion (so emotionally and mentally draining), feel OK until late Friday, then I would spend the weekend being pretty miserable. Perk back up by Tuesday of the non-infusion weeks and be OK until the next infusion.

My stubble from shaving down my hair fell out in a painful process over a couple of days. What a mess! I think it would've been better to just leave it long and let it fall out like that - at least it would've been easier to clean up instead of all the tiny hairs everywhere. My scalp hurt badly during that time. It was a feeling of having my hair brushed in the wrong direction. So odd and painful. The shaved head stubble look is much different from bald from having your hair fall out. 

After my 4th round of A/C I was pretty sick and ended up throwing my back out. I could barely breathe. I had a couple of ribs out of place making it difficult to expand my chest with each breath. I had pain radiating down my left leg and I couldn't turn my head because I had pinched something in my neck. What a mess I was!

I was able to get in to the chiropractor (even though the world was shut down - it was April 21) and get adjusted. I felt so much better so quickly, but my left leg still hurt. It felt like it was always all cramped up in my calf. I had mentioned it to my oncologist during a video appointment, but he said it was just from my decreased physical activity and I should try to walk more and stretch. I had been doing that for a couple of weeks at this point, but on April 23rd my leg was swollen and not quite the right color. I called my family doctor. He got on a video call with me, took one look at my leg, and sent me to the ER. He called ahead to tell them I was coming and that I was a cancer patient so I wouldn't have to wait. He suspected I had a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) in my leg. 

My husband and kids dropped me off at the ER - in April 2020, at the height of COVID terror. I went in alone, was taken back quickly, and put in the farthest room away from everyone in a super quiet area of the ER. I had an ultrasound done on my leg and they confirmed that I had, not 1, not 2, but 8 (EIGHT!!) DVTs in my left leg. 

DVTs can kill you. I was very lucky. Again.

I was put on blood thinners, told to keep my leg elevated and sent home.

And in truly no-rest-for-the-weary fashion, I had chemo coming up on Tuesday.