Bump in the Road (Part 1)

On November 18, 2019 I took this picture:

I was at the hospital for my annual mammogram. #over40perks

I remember thinking I would post it on Facebook with a reminder to my lady friends to do their self breast exams and get their annual mammogram. I know many women put them off, though I had never found them painful or uncomfortable, I know that fear is a very real deterrent for plenty of women.

I ended up not posting it. I either forgot entirely or I got self-conscious. It certainly isn’t the most flattering photo I’ve ever taken. 😂

On December 5th, I received an email from the hospital to check my online portal. Something I NEVER do. But something made me check it that day. There was a letter saying they wanted me to come in for “additional images.” No big deal. I’ve been called back before for “additional images” so I wasn’t at all alarmed. I simply called and made another appointment. They set me up for December 23rd (Monday). They didn’t seem in much of a rush to get me in. Then the hospital called to schedule the additional images, but I had already done that. Then my OB/GYN's office called to tell me to call the hospital to schedule additional images, and I told them I had already done so. All those weird calls made me check the online portal to read the radiology report and see why they wanted these “additional images.”

I opened the report and scanned it. The phrase “spiculated margins” stood out. I had no idea what that meant, so I googled it.

Do NOT google it.

Do NOT EVER google it.

The search told me there was a greater than 87% chance of the spot being cancer. I closed google and have not googled anything related to medical stuff since.

I tried to put it out of my mind. I went about the rest of December doing all the things we do in December I stayed busy with the kids and their activities; I decorated and prepared for Christmas. I baked.

Monday, December 23rd (Festivus) arrived and I went to the hospital for those "additional views" bright and early at 8:30am. They were already behind so it took ages before I was called back. I snapped a picture and sent it to my anxious husband at home telling him I was still waiting for my turn. How do you like my purple dollar store reading glasses?

I had a mammogram with multiple views, then an ultrasound, then another mammogram. They said I would have results before I left, so I sat back in the holding area to wait. The nurse came to get me and took me to a small conference room. She sat me down and said I needed to have biopsies on Friday, December 27th. Because of where the 2 suspicious masses were located they would have to do two different types of biopsies. One would be ultrasound guided (for the one they could see on ultrasound) and one would be mammogram guided (for the one they couldn't see on ultrasound, but could see with mammogram).

It was Christmas. I have kids. My husband was sick in bed with flu-like symptoms from December 23rd-26th. I had this hanging over my head and tearing at my heart, but needed to push through and make good memories for the kids. I think we ended up having a good holiday - I don't think the kids really knew what was going on. But then again, they did notice me crying occasionally. I was being extra permissive with them.

On December 27th, my mom met me at the hospital for the biopsies at 9am. My husband, since he was still sick, dropped me off and stayed with our kids at home. Besides, they don't let men back in the mammogram radiology area anyhow. We checked in, I got changed and we sat down in the waiting room until they called me back.

Finally it was my turn. The nurse said they would do the mammogram guided biopsy first and she took me into the procedure room. When I saw the table & machine, I broke down sobbing an hyperventilating. It was all of a sudden very real. The reality of getting a biopsy for suspicious masses in my breast hit me hard.

The nurse offered to talk to the doctor and see if they could try to biopsy both areas using the ultrasound guided method since one of their best ultrasound technicians was there that day. The doctor agreed to try it and the ultrasound technician came to get me.

She was a young woman, probably in her 20s and her name was Agatha. As in St. Agatha, patron saint of breast cancer patients. She was as good as they said she was and the doctor was able to get the biopsies from both spots.

Results would take 3-5 days.

My doctor's office called to make an appointment with me for 8am on December 31st to get the results. On December 31st, at 7:40am, my doctor's office called to move my appointment to January 2nd since results weren't available yet.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I would have to wait over New Year's to get the results?! I knew they wouldn't release them in my online portal until after I spoke with my doctor, so checking for the results there was pointless. Not that it stopped me from checking relentlessly.

Later in the day on December 31st, I noticed that the results in the online portal changed from "in progress" to a couple specific hormone receptor tests. I'm not a doctor and I'm not in the medical field, but I know that they don't run hormone receptor tests on healthy tissue. So on December 31, 2019, I realized what I would hear from my doctor on January 2nd, though it didn't really sink in and I couldn't bring myself to tell my husband or family.

That night, I went to a New Year's Eve Party at our Parish with my parents and my girls. My husband stayed home with our son who was ill. Here's me trying to pretend I didn't know what I knew:

On January 2nd, 2020 my husband and I went to my OB/GYN's office at 8am for the results.

She said she was sorry, it was cancer.

She said I had done everything right by going for my mammograms every single year.

She said they had caught it early.

She said I would be fine.

She said this would be a bump in the road.

 

Keep Reading Part 2, Part 3